Some of my best ideas come from having a look at the Google searches that bring people here. One I particularly like from today is courtesy of an obviously frustrated searcher: 10 item express lane in a grocery store what is an item.
It's impossible not to feel this person's pain. You and I both know that what happened was this: 20 minutes earlier, they got in line at their local grocery store, only to discover that somebody had 30 items in front of them, and still had the gall to get in the express lane. They said something, and got a rude "rules don't apply to me" sort of reply, and so they came home in a fit of pique. I know this is what happened because that's the post they found.
But the particular question being asked suggested that it wasn't just any old random assortment of groceries that created the problem. No, this particular smarmy exchange involved a too-cute-by-half definition of "item". But it's hard to say what the precise definition is; an examination of some of the other Google results suggest that humans are endlessly inventive in finding new meanings for "item".
One blogger suggests that malicious violators of the commonsense definition think in terms of the outcomes of the purchase. To wit: "Say I buy some pasta and some sauce, but I'm going to combine them into one dish later that day - can I default that into a 'one item purchase'?". Similarly, long before blogs, James Lileks solicited reader feedback on this point in his newspaper column, and was met with the lament "How was I to know whipped cream and condoms counted as one item?" (link requires registration).
Former Arizona Governor Bruce Babbitt (think '80s) believed -- at least for the purposes of Saturday Night Live appearances -- that one should count types, not tokens:
Cashier: Have a nice day. [ to Gov. Babbitt ] I'm sorry sir, this is the express lane. The sign says 10 items or less and you've got.. 14 items.
Gov. Bruce Babbitt: Aw, c'mon. Give me a break. The soup is 3 for a dollar. That's one item.
This guy clearly understands the internal monologues of those of us who actually bother to follow the express lane instructions. The story is actually true, or at least backed up by other sources. Apparently, there are plenty like it. Here's another one who gets it; I will have to work "Baguette of Justice" into something else now. And here's another rant on the general idiocies of grocery shoppers that doesn't address the question of counting items (except in the comments) -- but oh, how I wish I'd written at least that last line about bologna.
In a related vein, there's a terrific Pain in the English post on a related usage issue: is it ten items "or fewer" or "or less". Question: are there ten topics -- or fewer -- that bring out as much vitriol as express lanes?
I have long held that the concept of an express lane is rather silly. I my area one can go through the express lane behind a senior writing a check and it is slower than taking another lane behind some young thing using a debit card. And as you have shown the notion of a special lane just creates confusion and animosities.
Posted by: Janes_Kid | November 24, 2004 at 01:58 PM
The incompetence of cashiers is what makes the "3 cans of soup = 1 item" concept false, unfortunately. In theory the cashier can scan one, hit SKU qty 3 and not waste any time.
In practice, every week I have to watch the cashier individually scan ten containers of yogurt. (no, this isn't in the express lane). Immediately saying "there are 10 there" or lining them up in 2 rows of 5 has not helped.
Posted by: Cindy | November 24, 2004 at 02:42 PM
The more I use self-checkout counters, the more I like them. They're about the only REAL express lanes left.
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