The track record here is right at 50% (on a whopping 2 picks in as many years), so your host's reputation is on the line with this one. There's no great language hook with this Super Bowl, aside from perhaps noting Gregg Easterbrook's sardonic names for both teams:
TMQ [Easterbrook's column] has long called the Chicago team the Ming Ding Xiong, "Bears whose outcomes are decided by fate" in Chinese. I've long called the Indianapolis team the Lucky Charms, owing to their horseshoes.
Having missed the column where Mr. E. coined that nickname for the Bears, SC isn't sure why Chinese was the obvious language to reach for. Other cheap language gags just don't seem to do it, either -- a column on how Chicago's "Tank" Johnson got his nickname would be full of lame jokes about his multiple arrests for illegal gun possession, and how if he had gone to the English Premier League to play soccer, he'd be nicknamed Arsenal. Or maybe just Arse.
It's been a long time since SC has had so little rooting interest in a Super Bowl. Leaving Tank Johnson aside, everything balances out perfectly. SC dislikes both quarterbacks -- Perfect Peyton for being related to
Satan Eli Manning (and for reminding him of The Worst Draft Pick in History every time he takes the field), and Rex Grossman for being able to put up a perfect 0 in an objective, zero-based measurement of his job performance and still get paid millions. If most people flamed out as badly in their work as Rex Grossman has in his, they'd be fired. To put the horror of being Rex Grossman into proper context, understand that someone who threw the ball off the field on every play would earn a 36.9 quarterback rating (you can check SC's math here). Mr. Grossman failed to clear that low hurdle five times this season (in 16 tries). On the flip side, both coaches are men of exemplary personal conduct (SC didn't know much about Lovie Smith; read this article and know he's a good man). Your host therefore declines to root against either, although he hopes that if the Colts win, Perfect Peyton nonetheless is remembered for nearly blowing it himself.
While there's no partisan interest here in the end, a pick still needs to be made. SC is struck by the fact that the worse the Bears play, the better they seem to do, as noted by former Cardinals coach Dennis Green immediately following the prototypical example of this claim. So in the spirit of Gregg Easterbrook's haiku-based approach to football analysis, and since Mr. Easterbrook failed to write a haiku of his own to make a prediction, your host offers the first -- and probably last -- haiku to appear in these pages:
Super Bowl upset.
Bears win though Rex is gross man,
Yes, it's syllabically correct. And no, don't take the points.